I got an interesting email asking me to describe times when I have doubted God's love, His Ways, etc. It got me to thinking…
I don’t recall ever doubting God. I traced the path I’ve traveled since the onset of blindness, and I can’t think of a time where I’ve fallen in that pothole. I don’t condemn anyone that has struggled with doubt, but, for me, it hasn’t been a struggle. I may have never doubted God’s love or character, but I have asked questions of Him. To me there’s a difference. To doubt means I cast suspicion or distrust upon His character. To question, means I am seeking to understand Him, His purpose, my participation in this circumstance that He allowed.
Perhaps its semantics, but that’s my feeling.
My lack of doubt is because of an abundance of grace and the gift of faith, not because of any extraordinary spiritual valor on my part; just Grace! My willingness to ask questions of God without demanding answers or questioning His Good Character is a result of the same -- grace.
I was just interviewed by Decision Magazine (Billy Graham Assoc.) The end of the article may further explain my thoughts. I copied an excerpt below.
“One of the hardest concepts to grasp is the fact that God actually uses painful circumstances in our lives for good."
My hero, Joni Eareckson Tada who has been in a wheelchair since she was a teenager, makes this point well when she says that "God allows what He hates in order to accomplish what He loves". I know that God’s heart is broken when He sees our hearts break. I believe that just as Jesus wept at Lazarus’ tomb, Jesus weeps when He sees us cry tears of loss. I’m convinced that God is well acquainted with the sorrow and struggles that I experience. Yet, at the same time, He loves me enough—and this is why I’m so loyal to Him. To let me encounter sorrow , let me taste bitter emotions , feel loss, and trust me to be a good steward of that sorrow. He loves me enough to let me experience that pain so that He can accomplish something He loves, which for me has been a deeper character and a more eternal perspective.
I am convinced that God’s grace has sustained me. If healing were sufficient, God would have provided it. If deliverance were sufficient, God would have delivered me. But He’s allowed me to live with blindness, yet live equally with the sufficiency of His grace. That grace shows up in different ways on different days. But in whatever way it shows up, it has always been truly sufficient. It may never be well with our circumstances, but through God's grace, it can always be well with our souls.”