August 2011 Spill the Beans

 

 

You Ask It, I'll Answer It  

Question:

I picked up your study Me, Myself, and Lies to teach at my church.  But before I can lead them and myself to change, I need to know the answer to a question that has bugged me most of my life.  It is a question that I have never had anyone to ask, because people who love you can't help but tell you that you are wrong.  

Here is my question--what if some of the negative thoughts I have are true?  I can look in the mirror or in pictures and know that I am overweight and not as attractive as the majority of women I know.  I have recently lost 45 lbs, but there isn't much you can change about your face :)  I have dated several guys and NONE of them have ever said, "You look pretty."  At my age, most of my friends are finishing up having kids and wondering when I will ever get married.  Here is the big secret that no one seems to understand...I'm not being that selective; no one is asking!  So, when I tell myself not to get too hopeful because I may just not be what men look for in someone to marry, is that a lie or a fact that helps me protect my heart?  

I hope you have some thoughts.  I'm okay with it either way (sad, but okay), but I don't know if I should feel guilty that I have created these lies, or feel freedom in just accepting that some of it is true and move on.  

Thanks!

  

Answer:

Wow, girl!  You are clearly an insightful and deep woman!  Your question is not easy to answer.  So, I won't try to address it specifically; instead, I will give a broad principle and you can apply it as the Spirit leads.  Instead of measuring if our thoughts or self-talk is negative or positive, I think of measuring it by this standard--is it constructive or destructive?

It is important to tell oneself the truth.  The truth may be that a woman is overweight. (Congrats on your 45 lbs!  What an accomplishment!) That is simply a fact.  But, the meaning one assigns to that fact must be constructive, not destructive.   

You may be right that God hasn't planned for you to marry or you could be wrong and the man He has for you is looking for you even now!  None of us know the future.  So, in order to speak constructive truth to our souls, we don't speculate.  Speculation has great potential for destructive thinking.  We should deal only with "what is" rather than "what if."

This I do know, even though we have never met--you are a bright, wise, down-to-earth, beautiful woman who any man would be honored to call his wife!  And, you just keep on being a woman who tells herself the truth. Truth sets us free!  And, truth makes all of us beautiful.

Peace to you sister,

Jennifer
 
And now the beans are officially spilled.

  

  

 

  

Got a question? I might just spill the beans.